Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Many people find themselves in relationships that feel like they’ve outgrown them, caught in a tug-of-war between staying and leaving. Financial dependencies, children, love, and guilt can make it hard to move on, especially as desires for more intimacy, romance, or personal fulfillment arise.

This dilemma is not uncommon. We often find ourselves in a “should I stay or should I go?” chapter—sometimes for so long it becomes an exhausting mental loop. The question is: what if leaving isn’t the only answer?

A Courtesan’s Perspective on Relationships

Consider the courtesan’s approach. Rather than expecting one person to meet all needs, she relied on a circle of relationships, where each man played a different role, fulfilling different desires. This allowed her to avoid the resentment that often creeps in when we place all expectations on one partner.

Life as a Grand Play

Imagine life as a stage where each person around you has a role to play, and you are the leading character. In your play, you may have a sidekick, a mentor, or even comic relief. Not everyone has to be everything. Like Esther Perel suggests, create a village of support for yourself rather than placing every need on a single person.

Reassigning Roles and Redefining Boundaries

Reassigning roles can offer a fresh perspective on relationships. Perhaps a friend is perfect for fun nights out but not for emotional support. Accepting people’s capacities allows us to enjoy each person for what they bring, rather than faulting them for what they lack. When we stop expecting others to be all things, our relationships become more enjoyable and less burdened by unmet desires.

Moving Forward with Brutal Honesty

Redefining roles requires honesty—first about what we truly want, then about what each person is able and willing to offer. Sometimes this may involve difficult conversations or small mindset shifts that can revive a relationship. Or it may mean reshaping the relationship altogether, even with a partner. When unmet desires are voiced, they lose the shame that grows in silence, and true intimacy often flows back.

In relationships, it’s less about “should I stay or should I go?” and more about how to realign, redefine, and rediscover joy in the roles people play in your life.